Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
