Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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