if you like me you must not know who I am
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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