and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
