You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
