thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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