You made me cry and you don't even care
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
