Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
