Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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