Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
