my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
