wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
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Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
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Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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