I need help removing her.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
