OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
