Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
