I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
