Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
