I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
