worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
