This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize