I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
