her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
