Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
