Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
