Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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