I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
