Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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