I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Randomize
