How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize