The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
