she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
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Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
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You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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