just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My dick has a subreddit
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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