My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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