Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
we're making bets on your personal life
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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