Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
