did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
