I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
