I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
