so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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