? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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