I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
