All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
