There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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