It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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