I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Randomize
