i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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