Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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