you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
