my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
