so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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