If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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