:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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