When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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