Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
