addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Randomize
