i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Someone shattered a urinal.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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