Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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