wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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