I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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