Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
