let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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