super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize