Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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