I skipped work to stalk him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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