i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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