Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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