i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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