All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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