high people should be assigned attendants
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
