I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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