she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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