Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
