i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
