not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Randomize
